I received an email earlier this week from a married friend of mine who always signs off, “With love from Natalie and Jeff.” Jeff has never sent me an email nor, as far as I can tell, does Natalie consult with him in advance about what she plans to write. Despite its inclusive closing, the […]
Codependency Issues in Marriage Read More »
Over the long holiday weekend, we drove cross-country to Colorado where we re-locate for the summer. Although the drive can be grueling (about 26 hours over two days) and it sometimes seems as if Kansas will never come to an end, I enjoy certain aspects of this annual trip. In particular, I relish the wealth
Maternal vs Paternal Function: Is There a Difference? Read More »
It is with great pleasure that I announce the release of my first work of fiction in over 30 years. While it lacks the imprimatur of a mainstream publisher, I’m nonetheless proud. This re-telling of the classic fairy tale asks the following question: How would Cinderella actually have turned out if she’d grown up surrounded
Cinderella: A Tale of Narcissism and Self-Harm Read More »
I was planning to write an overview of the recent controversy in this area concerning frequency of childhood ADHD diagnosis and treatment with stimulant medication. Â This very lively exchange of expert and personal views was touched off by a New York Times article citing a Centers for Disease Control and Prevention telephone survey of many
Childhood ADHD: Over-Diagnosed or Under-Treated? Read More »
During several recent sessions, one of my clients has been struggling to make an important decision in her life that’s causing her considerable anguish — whether or not to leave her husband. I don’t normally give advice in such cases, but based on my lengthy relationship with this client, I strongly believe that she ought
Lying to Our Clients Read More »
Reading about Adam Lanza, the Newtown shooter, in today’s New York Times brought to mind Anders Behring Breivik, the Norwegian mass murderer who set off bombs and murdered at least 76 people back in 2011. These two men have several features in common, including social isolation, a fascination with Call of Duty (a war-oriented video
How Feelings of Helplessness May Give Rise to Destructive Violence Read More »
Most people understand what free association means: to voice all thoughts, feelings and ideas that come to mind during a therapy session, without deciding in advance whether they’re relevant or “worth saying.” At the beginning of traditional psychoanalysis, clients are instructed to freely associate and occasionally reminded to do so as the treatment proceeds. We
Why Free Association is So Difficult Read More »
Early in my personal therapy, my analyst used to tell me I was trying to control him. He’d talk about the way I left pointed openings for him to speak. He identified a pattern — how I’d relate events in order to elicit a particular response from him, the one that I wanted. He showed
The Controlling Client Read More »
When people enter psychotherapy, even if they’re desperate and deeply in need, they don’t fully reveal themselves in the early phases of treatment. As in any relationship, it takes time to develop enough trust so you feel safe making yourself vulnerable. A prudent reserve makes sense: how can you be sure the stranger sitting in
Keeping Secrets from Your Therapist Read More »
I haven’t heard it in a number of years, but every once in a while, a client will ask why we talk only about “what’s wrong” in therapy. It’s a valid question. Australian blogger Evan Hadkins, who frequently comments here on After Psychotherapy, has chided me for over-emphasizing the painful aspects of the work I
Accentuating the Positive Read More »