In recent weeks, both within my practice and through emails from site visitors (all women), I’ve heard about several men who have tried to destroy the reputation of their ex-wives with a ruthless and quite thorough assault on their public characters. These men have told lies to friends and family members, attempted to blackmail their… Continue reading The Vindictive Narcissist
Tag: Shame
Anders Breivik, You and Me: What We Have in Common
When an anti-Islamic loner explodes a bomb outside a government building, killing eight people, then travels to a nearby island where he guns down 69 more, we naturally view that man as a dangerous lunatic. His paranoid tirades against multi-culturalism and “Eurabia”, along with his grandiose view of himself as crusading member of the fictional… Continue reading Anders Breivik, You and Me: What We Have in Common
Shame Trading
In a very early post on this site, I described people who view the world in terms of winners and losers, where one person will shore up his own self-image by triumphing over someone else, usually by demonstrating that he’s more successful, better-looking, wealthier, more popular, etc. Feelings of contempt for the “loser” usually go… Continue reading Shame Trading
Performance Anxiety and Shame
When artists use their medium as an attempt to escape from internal “ugliness”, performance anxiety may reflect the fear of being exposed, their true damaged self becoming visible to the audience.
The Oedipus Complex in Divorce Situations
In toxic divorce situations where a vengeful mother tries to turn her son against the boy’s father, it has the lethal effect of confirming his Oedipal fantasies, with lasting damage to the boy’s sense of self and his respect for authority.